If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Your cock deserves a montage
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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