I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
