i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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