I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
