dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
