I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
