Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
