I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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