she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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