her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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