ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
