Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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