jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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