I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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