I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need moral support for this bender
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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