did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
