My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
