so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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