So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
