im drinking this country out of the recession.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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