All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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