I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
