I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We are all done wearing pants today
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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