Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if only i could text you this smell
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
