If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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