apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
