yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
