You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
