u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
