I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There's always time for handjobs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
