I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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