Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
