I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Vodka?
Forever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
