I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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