we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
