Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
