you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
