you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
