You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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