keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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