That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
