bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You can't motorboat a personality
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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