i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
