I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
