We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
