He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
