You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
