oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize