Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
