I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
