Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
