I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
