It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
