she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
