No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
