I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
