Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love having hate sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
