I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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