I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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