I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
