i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think i have two assholes
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
