Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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