I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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