Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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