hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
