My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Houston, we have a squirter
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
