Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Im part way to drunk.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
