No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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