The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
