the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
