Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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