I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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