Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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