How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
