hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
