I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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