low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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