You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize